Reading in Bed

The alarm goes off at 5:45, and J. gets up.  It still seems strange that I don’t have to drag myself out, doing my morning yoga while he uses the bathroom.  Instead, I roll over and doze off.  Later, he comes back to brush teeth and put on his tie.  A kiss good-by and he’s gone.  I have my alarm set for 7:20, although there is no reason I have to get up at that time.  I just know that I shouldn’t get in the habit of hiding in bed.

Last night I read until after midnight.  When I am in the middle of a good novel it’s like an addiction.  I neglect people and work and health and just read, read, read.  Often I will not allow myself to start a book when I have an important project or responsibility ahead of me. These days, reading in bed until I can’t keep my eyes open also means I’ll go to sleep immediately when I do turn off the light, instead of lying there with thoughts looping through the same useless paths. This morning I had hoped to sleep a bit longer, but once I was awake I turned on the light and went back to the book.  An hour later, I jumped out of bed, feeling guilty for this escapist pleasure.

It doesn’t seem right to feel guilty about reading for an hour. If I were retired or on vacation, or even home sick, I would wallow in the luxury of it.  Instead, I think about J., who doesn’t have this luxury, and about the various projects, chores, and activities that I could be doing that would be more “productive”.  I will have to find a way to allow myself to enjoy these little pleasures that can take the edge off the sharp worries that float around me.

This entry was posted in Books, Articles, Resources, Health & Wellness, Organization and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s